Young Justice Visit the Suez Canal (DC Comics fanfiction)

Tim heard about the problem first. It was a Saturday morning and Bruce was off-world on Justice League business, with Dick busy in Blüdhaven. He was banned from patrol since there was no backup available, so Alfred had let him into the cave. This was just as well, because Tim was likely to go mad with boredom otherwise.

Growing tired of running through katas without anyone there to critique him, he wandered over to the Batcomputer, sticking a post-it note with the Robin symbol over the bat on the back. It was a habit that he refused to stop because it confused Bruce and delighted Dick. 

He flopped artfully into the chair (a move Dick had dubbed the “Teenager Takedown”, capital letters implied) to look at the news.The Batcomputer news feed collected together all developing news stories from major websites, as well as any other new information from less accessible sources, then organised them into priority groups. Tim clicked in the Priority One bar with the usual apprehension – the only things that showed up here were world-ending threats: invasions, asteroids, extremely powerful metas gone rogue and other serious threats. 

It was blessedly empty. Priority Two had things that the remaining Justice League members on Earth were handling. Priority Three was… different. 

Tim snorted despite himself when he saw the top story in the category. A container ship drew a penis in the Red Sea? And – what was that? – it was stuck? Tim read on, then actually laughed out loud. Apparently, one of the largest container ships in the world had managed to block the Suez Canal in Egypt. He skimmed the rest of the articles for more information - the grin growing on his face. “12% of Global Shipping Ground to a Halt”, “A Sandstorm Caused the Ever Given to Run Aground”, “The Story Behind the Red Sea Penis” glared out from the screen. 

No one had been hurt, but the boat was very definitely, completely and utterly, without a doubt stuck, and stuck badly. Tim laughed at the photos of the pathetic little digger trying to dig the “bulbous bow” (Kon was going to love that one when Tim sent him a screenshot on the article) out of the banks, and of the tiny tugboats dwarfed by the gargantuan ship trying to pull the Ever Given out - with no success. 

This was the kind of news Tim loved. An objectively funny problem where no one was hurt. The internet was having a field day.

Tim’s phone pinged several times in quick succession with the alert sound he had assigned to the Young Justice group chat. He opened it to find Bart had sent a mostly incomprehensible message along with 6 images.

DashFromTheIncredibles: HAHAHA PNEIS PENIS GUUS ,LOOK

DashFromTheIncredibles: Image (1), Image (2), Image (3), Image (4), Image (5), Image (6)

DashFromTheIncredibles: thE TUNGLR MEMESD SO FUNNy

That’s mr. clone boy to you: please slow down

That’s mr. clone boy to you: WAIT WHAT

That’s mr. clone boy to you: BRO I HEARD ABOUT THAT

Current Brain Cell Holder: did you guys see the memes about everyone sailing around africa again like 18th century pirates cause they can’t get through the canal

DashFromTheIncredibles: CASSIECASSIECASSIE

Current Brain Cell Holder: yeah

DashFromTheIncredibles: we NEED to go help PLEASE

DashFromTheIncredibles: and cissie should come. And anita and greta

DashFromTheIncredibles: IT’S SO FUNNY PLEASE

Current Brain Cell Holder: i can’t really think of any reason to say no but it’s us so i feel like i should. Anita and Greta are busy too

Current Brain Cell Holder: there’s a lot of potential for destruction there

Tim grinned, and started to type. 

Rob: there aren’t any explosives on the boat. I know we don’t usually need explosives for destruction but i just thought i’d throw that one out there

DashFromTheIncredibles: tim agrees! He sometimes makes good decisions occasionally once in a while cassie you should listen to him

Rob: (thanks bro)

DashFromTheIncredibles: (you’re welcome bro)

Rob: (dude)

DashFromTheIncredibles: (bro)

Current Brain Cell Holder: oh alright then

That’s mr. clone boy to you: you’re just bored aren’t you

Current Brain Cell Holder: ...no

Robin Hood is Quaking: guys i have training :( 

Rob: f

That’s mr. clone boy to you: f

DashFromTheIncredibles: ditch training cissie!

Robin Hood is Quaking: why??!

DashFromTheIncredibles: because we love you and we want to free a boat because it’s funny

Robin Hood is Quaking: i love you too bart but i really can’t 

Robin Hood is Quaking: i’m not even supposed to be texting right now if my trainer sees i’ll shlrv  r lfaejx ;;;;;;;;; ouwrxy

Rob: f

That’s mr. clone boy to you: f

Current Brain Cell Holder: both of you STOP it

Empress: i can’t come guys sorry i’m busy

DashFromTheIncredibles: NO WHY ANITA

Greta: she’s with me we’re having a girls day

DashFromTheIncredibles: okay then have fun. I’ll bring you guys some wet egyptian sand

Empress: i’m so touched

Greta: :D

DashFromTheIncredibles: so it’s just us four today huh

Rob: f

That’s mr. clone boy to you: f

Current Brain Cell Holder: i will skin you both. Don’t think i won’t do it

That’s mr. clone boy to you: </3

Rob: harsh but fair

Rob: batman’s not here and neither is nightwing but they’ll be angry if i go

DashFromTheIncredibles: that’s usually a bonus for you

That’s mr. clone boy to you: when has that stopped you before lol

Current Brain Cell Holder: are you trying to make a good decision? Do you want the brain cell or something?

Rob: okay OKAY i was just saying

DashFromTheIncredibles: lmao

*

Tim had magically managed to get Alfred’s approval for the trip. Alfred had decided that since the mission wasn’t anything immediately dangerous, he could go, but he had to bring a spare comm and grapple gun. 

‘It’s good for growing lads to see their friends.’ Alfred had added, with a slightly dark look up to the ceiling of the cave, like he was trying to beam his disapproval of Bruce’s lack of socialising in his childhood directly to him in space. 

Alfred offered to make sandwiches, but Tim declined since he already felt about five years old. Alfred seemed to sense that this was Tim’s line of thinking, and added softly: ‘It’s not childish to be hungry, Master Tim.’

When Kon picked Tim up from a rooftop in Gotham ten minutes later and flew him up to Bart’s hovering ship, it was with a bag of sandwiches in his hand and a small smile on his face.

They arrived in Egypt not long after, having spent most of the ride exchanging Suez Canal and Ever Given container ship memes. Tim read out a fanfiction he’d found, causing Kon to choke on a piece of Alfred’s sandwich from laughing so hard. 

When they saw the stuck ship from the air, Bart let out a scream of delight so loud it made Cassie jump. 

‘We do actually have to be professional when we go down there. These people need help and we can’t afford to mess up.’ Tim said, trying to project a stern aura. It was undermined from the get go because he had a Suez Canal and Ever Given forbidden romance fanfiction still open on his phone. 

‘Don’t worry about it, Rob. We can’t mess it up any worse than it already is.’ Kon said, grinning and looking out of the window. The tiny digger was still there, but there were no tug boats in sight. It looked like a sad, lost puppy, except yellow and a digger. 

‘Okaygoodtalklet’sgo.’ Bart said. 

Cassie clapped Tim on the shoulder. ‘You worry too much. Let’s go and move a boat.’

‘I want pictures afterwards!’ Bart added, vibrating on the spot. 

Predictably, he was first out of the spaceship, leaving a cloud of sand and dust rising into the still, muggy air behind him.

Egypt was six hours ahead of Gotham, the rest of them trooping out onto the Suez Canal’s sandy banks in the light of a gloriously orange sun. It would set in an hour and a half, so they needed to work fast.

‘You can make a plan for this one, Tim. I’ll just do the heavy lifting with Kon. And the live-tweeting.’ Cassie said, digging out her phone from her bra. It had a pink Wonder Woman logo on it, because Cassie was nothing if not loyal. 

Tim raised an eyebrow at her, knowing she’d guess his expression even though it was hidden behind his domino mask.  

Cassie ignored him grandly and marched away. Ignoring boys was her other superpower.

*

Tim’s plan was simple and therefore adaptable, because anything more complex would always go wrong - not because of Murphy’s Law, but because they were Young Justice. It should really be called the Young Justice Law, Tim mused, as he directed Kon and Cassie from the high banks. 

Kon was using his tactile telekinesis to move large amounts of sand away from the bulbous bow of the ship, while Cassie pushed gently on the front of it, attempting to swing it round. Bart had taken over live-tweeting the situation for her, since he wasn’t suited to heavy lifting. Tim had also asked him to go and talk to the crew so they wouldn’t freak out, but had quickly given up on that idea since superpowered teenagers sometimes confused people. 

Tim had never had that problem, but he was Robin, so he supposed he was pretty unusual too. 

Before long, Kon had removed a small mountain of sand. Bart made a little sand castle on the top. 

‘Five out of ten!’ Kon called down. ‘Needs more turrets!’

Bart stuck his tongue out at him, and made 4 more sandcastles, all with turrets and moats.

‘Okay, Kon, get up there with Cassie and push. Line yourselves up next to each other.’ Tim waved his arms, looking a bit like a broken down windmill. ‘Go higher! Yeah – wait stop! Okay, there’s fine.’ 

‘Hey, Bart, can you go further back? What does it look like from there?’ Tim asked, while Cassie and Kon hovered by the side of the ship, awaiting more instructions. 

Bart looked up guiltily. He’d been making something with the discarded sand. A very large something. Tim squinted at it, then sighed, feeling very like Bruce.

‘Bart, can you come here for a moment, please?’ 

‘Don’t do it, man!’ Kon said, laughing. He could already see what Bart had made from his vantage point. Cassie looked torn between disapproval and abject glee. 

Bart sped over. ‘Yeahwhat’supmanhowfarshallIgoback?’

‘Bart.’ Tim stated. ‘Have you made what I think you’ve made with that sand?’

‘Depends what you think I’ve made, my dude.’

‘I am thinking,’ Tim said, with extreme calm, ‘that you have made something that looks like a very large penis when viewed from above.’

‘It’s a dick and balls, yeah.’ Bart said without embarrassment. ‘It’s poetic! I’m ending the journey like it started.’

Tim decided to let the matter go for now. They didn’t have much time left until sunset, and then it would be much harder to work.

He pinched his nose. ‘Can you just go back a bit further and tell me how the boat’s looking, Bart.’

Bart saluted him and blurred away. ‘It’s fine! You guys should push now!’

Tim nodded at Kon and Cassie, who were giggling together. Tim did not need anyone to tell him what they were laughing at. 

Tim was standing by the ball sack. 

‘On three, you two! One, two, THREE!’

Cassie and Kon pushed, and the behemoth of a boat began to move, minutely, back into the correct position. Water rushed smoothly around the bottom of it as it turned. Tim scrambled up the bank out of the way to monitor their progress. 

Five minutes of (gentle, because they didn’t want to break the boat) pushing later, the Ever Given was now pointing in the correct direction, looking none the worse for wear. 

‘Oh gods,’ Cassie said. ‘I’ve just had a thought. We’ve pointed it the right way up the canal, right? It’s not going to go back out into the Red Sea or anything?’

‘We’re not that incompetent.’ Kon said snootily. 

Cassie and Tim let their pointed silence speak for them, and Kon’s shoulders slumped. ‘Yeah, okay.’

Meanwhile, Bart had started edging back towards his spaceship, evidently hoping that Tim was going to forget about his sand… sculpture. 

Today was not Bart’s lucky day.

Tim glared at him until he zoomed back over. Tim sighed, looked at the others, then back to Bart. ‘If you’re going to do it, at least make the shaft bigger.’ Tim said.

Bart let out a great whoop of delight, and Cassie and Kon roared with laughter.

Tim smiled back at them. ‘It’s a Young Justice mission if we don’t do anything scandalous.’

*

Two days later, Tim walked into the cave for after school training to find Dick and Bruce standing there with their arms crossed. 

Alfred was dusting a pristine display case behind them, listening in.

Tim stopped in his tracks.

Bruce was smiling pleasantly.

Tim was not comforted. It was the smile of Doom.

‘Tim!’ Bruce said, in a weirdly cheery voice. ‘Would you like to come and see the top news story in our Priority Three category today?’

Tim had known this was coming, and he looked to Dick for help. He had turned his whole head away, shaking. Tim didn’t know if it was with rage or something else, since he could see none of his expression. 

Never let it be said that Tim Drake was a coward. He marched on over to the Batcomputer and only just managed to keep a straight face at the headline.

‘Would you like to read it out to me, Tim?’ Bruce asked mildly. 

‘Not especially.’ Tim replied, with a practiced calm he usually used for fighting. He was rapidly finding that it worked well in any high-stress situation.

‘Do it for me anyway, Tim.’ Bruce said.

Tim cleared his throat, hoping to buy time. Or at least for something else to happen that would distract Bruce. 

No such miracle happened. Tim started up a little prayer in the back of his head, and read aloud: ‘“Young Justice Move Grounded Ship From Suez Canal, End the ‘Ever Given’s’ Journey the Way that it Started”.’ 

‘And what is the picture under the headline of, Tim?’ Bruce said, no longer able to hide his annoyance.

‘It’s of a giant sand penis that Bart made, Bruce.’ Tim said solemnly, hoping that staying serious would earn him extra points. You’d better believe that he was going to make sure he attached Bart’s name to the crime. Tim was no saint.

There was a wild cackle of laughter behind them. It seemed that Dick had broken – so he’d been shaking with laughter and not anger, then. That was usually a good sign, Tim thought, willing himself to keep a straight face.

‘Did you– Did you–’ Dick began, laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. ‘Did you really tell him to at least “make the shaft bigger”?’ He put his hands on Tim’s shoulders. ‘Bart told Wally and he told me, but I have to know if it’s true, Tim. My life depends on it.’

Tim felt that there was no point in lying, but tried to soften the blow anyway. ‘Does it matter?’ Tim asked, with great dignity.

‘Yes.’ Said Dick and Bruce at the same time, with very different expressions on their faces.

Damn. ‘Then yes, I did. There was no point in half-assing it, if he was going to do it.’ Tim said. He was rapidly losing the battle to keep the grin from his face.

One look Bruce’s horror-stricken visage nearly broke him – but not quite.

It did, however, break someone else. To everyone’s intense shock, Alfred was chuckling, duster in hand. He was soon laughing heartily. 

Tim and Bruce, at odds just moments before, became united at once in awe and fear of Alfred. They looked at each other with twin expressions of confusion.

Dick just started laughing again at their expressions. The traitor.

‘Oh, Master Bruce,’ Alfred said, wiping his eyes, ‘they did a good thing and they didn’t hurt anyone. Don’t be too cross with them.’

Alfred set his duster on top of the display cabinet. ‘Besides, Bruce. It was at least anatomically correct.’

Alfred started chuckling again, and left the cave up the stairs. Dick stared after him, grin so wide it was a wonder he didn’t hurt his cheeks.

Tim and Bruce looked at each other again. Bruce cleared his throat. 

‘We shall never speak of this again.’

‘Agreed.’

Eucatastrophe (DC Comics/BatFam Fanfiction)

 

Tim was tired of hearing that he and Jason hadn’t had “the best start”. He knew that. Jason knew that. 

Jason was still Tim’s favourite brother. 

(Anyone who told Dick that would find out why Ra’s Al Ghul was afraid of Tim Drake.)

Tim had had the privilege of choosing his family, and he chose Jason, and no one had any say in it, least of all Jason himself. Especially when he was in one of his guilty phases. 

The way Tim saw it, and the way Jason should be seeing it, he thought, with such violence that Jason must have picked up on it, was that it was Tim’s choice. Tim chose to forgive him. He knew better than anyone that Jason had been influenced by the Lazarus Pit. Yes, Jason had hurt him. But Jason had made a herculean effort to get better, to be better. 

Jason hadn’t hurt Tim in years. He was one of his rocks, his best friends, his brothers. He made him laugh, he caught him when he fell, he made him food – Tim would die for him in a heartbeat. And he would die for his strawberry pavlova in two heartbeats, maybe. 

Jason was and always would be Tim’s hero, and now he was his brother. His self-deprecating, irritating, moronic older brother. Who needed to stop apologising. They’d been over this. 

Tim had thought Jason was going to be making raspberry and white chocolate muffins. Jason was instead making Tim rather annoyed.

The whole conversation had started out with the classic and universally hated “We need to talk.” from Jason. They were now halfway through and it had only gotten worse from there.

‘–and I never properly apologised to you, Tim, and you deserve that from me at least -’

‘Damn,’ Tim said, nodding in a falsely impressed manner, ‘you used my name and everything. Is that the first time? You usually go for Timmy, or Timbo, or Replacement–’

‘And that’s the problem!’ Jason half-shouted, almost hysterically. Furiously. ‘You let me do that! I let you let me do that!’

Tim was a little shocked at the way Jason had responded to his teasing tone. But Jason was upset, and it was only right to meet Jason’s anguished words with serious ones of his own.

‘I won’t pretend that “Replacement” didn’t hurt. Doesn’t hurt. Occasionally, I’m reminded of what you used to mean, but it doesn’t hurt like it used to. Because that’s how you show affection. I never hear you call Dick by his name, either. Or Damian. It’s always Big Wing, or Dickhead, or demon brat. Those aren’t names filled with hate.’

Dumbstruck for a moment, Jason looked at Tim like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Tim tried not to let any of his pride show on his face. He’d managed to get through to him. Obviously, he wasn’t as bad as he’d thought at putting emotions into words.

This moment of pride was shattered instantly by Jason’s startled laugh. ‘Aren’t you a genius, Tim? I thought that geniuses were meant to be intelligent?’

Tim set his jaw in something that did not even remotely resemble a pout.

Jason carried on. ‘Neither of those names are something I called the other person before I attempted to murder them.’

Tim flinched. That was not something he liked to be reminded of, even if Jason hadn’t been all Jason at the time. He kicked himself mentally when he saw Jason’s expression.

‘See! You don’t like it either!’ Jason made a harsh laughing noise that might have been a sob, in another universe. ‘I knew I was a shitty person, Tim, but god, even I thought I was better than that. I’m pathetic.’

Tim gritted his teeth, planted his feet, and carved on his face the expression that left criminals frozen in their tracks. They were doing this, were they? 

‘I was terrified of you, Jason. For months. Especially after Titans Tower. I started to prepare myself to die. I won’t lie to you and say that I wasn’t – you deserve better than that from me, just as I deserved better than to be attacked by you. To nearly die because of you.’

Jason looked sick, his skin an awful shade of grey. Tim pressed on.

‘But you weren’t you, then. You’d been dumped in the pit and wound up by Talia and let loose at the nearest convenient target like a rabid dog. Don’t you dare,’ Tim said, voice tight with fury, ‘insult my intelligence by implying that it was all your fault when we both know it wasn’t. It was scary, and it was awful, and painful, and it gave me nightmares. I’ve come far enough mentally and emotionally to admit I was a good Robin, but I couldn’t have beaten you then. If you’d wanted me dead, I’d be dead. Am I dead, Jason?’

Jason was frozen in place. Again, Tim carried on brutally.

‘But you know what affected me the most, after then? You’re right, it was the whole “Replacement” thing. There was no one in this world I had admired and loved more than you – you were my Robin, Jason, my hero. Your death changed me as a person and I didn’t even know you then. In my eyes, I’d never be as good as you. I didn’t even want to be. All I could be was a cheap replacement. I’d just started to believe that less, and then I heard it from Robin himself.’

Tim was starting to think this wasn’t a good idea when he saw the stricken look on Jason’s face. No. He’d finish what he’d started.

‘It might have broken me, if not for the Titans. If not for how happy I was that you were alive.’

‘Tim–’ Jason began, crushed. Tim stopped him. Crushing Jason was not what he was trying to do. He had a point to make.

‘And then, Jay, you were my brother. I was the Replacement, the Pretender, but I was also Timmy and Timbo and Timmers and whatever other monstrosity you’d come up with. You joked with me, you laughed with me, you patrolled with me – you helped me dye Bruce’s hair blue, and you were so proud when I showed you the photos of him getting angry in front of the mirror. Robin!’ Tim laughed, truly happy at the memory. ‘Robin, proud of me! You were so excited when we’d see each other and you had some other ridiculous variant of my name to call me by. And when you called me Replacement, I was always weirdly proud around the hurt, since that name was just for me.’

Tim grinned. ‘Hell, I can’t ask for a replacement battery for my Xbox controller without thinking of you. It doesn’t even feel like a word anymore.’ 

Jason still looked vaguely ill, but was leaning more towards shock, now. And maybe happiness. Tim couldn’t tell. 

‘You’re so stupid, Jason. You still think you’re a terrible person? You baked me seventeen different kinds of cookies for my seventeenth birthday. You lied to my face,’ Tim said, giggling slightly, ‘and said you were on a mission with Roy and Kori when really you flew all the way to Japan to get a special kind of coffee for me that they don’t sell online and don’t ship outside the country. Yeah, I knew about that.’ Tim added, when Jason smiled minutely, embarrassed. Better than before, Tim thought. 

Tim squeezed one of Jason’s broad shoulders forcefully. ‘Jason. No one gets to insult one of my siblings. Not even the sibling in question.’ The grin that had once made a grown man urinate himself slid onto Tim’s face like a glimmering blade. ‘Jason Peter Todd-Wayne, you are my favourite brother. I don’t want to hear this from you. I want to move on, and enjoy life with our enormous, insane, amazing family. I forgave you years ago.’

Tim pulled him into a hug, and, awkward as he was, Tim thought he’d managed to make it a good one. He’d channelled Dick’s octopus arms as best as he could. ‘And don’t let the favourite brother thing go to your head.’ 

Tim bounced away. ‘Now, where are my muffins? I want extra raspberries to make up for having to talk about emotions.’

Jason, shellshocked but regaining himself rapidly, wiped a hand down his face. ‘I– thank you. I… I didn’t know. But,’ he went on, as Tim rolled his eyes, ‘that’s not the point, Timmy. You’re too kind, and as much as that’s a good thing, it’s a terrible thing as well - especially when it comes to you. You forgive too much.’

‘It’s my decision’ –Tim interjected– ‘whether I want to forgive people or not. That decision has been made. End of discussion.’

‘There are some things that you should still be angry about, should never have forgiven people for.’ Jason said, nearly pleadingly.

‘You think I wasn’t angry?’ Tim said, voice dangerous again. It wasn’t a question.

‘I think you were, for a while, but only fleetingly. I think I scared you. Scarred you.’

Tim had nothing to say to that, because Jason was right. But Jason was also wrong. Because he thought that Tim was still scared, scarred, haunted. That was so far from the truth these days it was laughable. 

‘I forgave you, Jason. I forgive you. I don’t want to think about the past. I actually just want muffins. Or something savoury, I’m thinking the moment for muffins has past, you really don’t seem in the mood to be making any right now–’

Jason laughed at his rambling, ruffling Tim’s hair aggressively. Then the joy disappeared almost as soon as it had come. 

‘Doesn’t matter if you forgive me, baby bird, because I won’t ever forgive myself.’ 

He ran his hand through his hair, clutching desperately at the strands like the pain of it would make talking easier, the white streak in his hair more prevalent than ever from where it was coiled in his fist. ‘But I’m so glad you do. You shouldn’t, but you do, and I will be grateful for it until the day I die. And if I claw my way out of another grave, I will be grateful then as well.’

He took one long, steadying breath, clenched his teeth hard enough to crack, and cleared his throat. ‘Anyway. You want ketchup or mustard?’

‘What?’ Tim said, bewilderment still paling in comparison to the warm feeling in his chest at Jason’s words.

‘We’re getting hot dogs now. I’m paying. I need a way to avoid my emotions for a while.  Ketchup or mustard?’

‘Ketchup.’

‘Good choice.’

*

‘Hey!’ Nightwing pouted. ‘You got food without me?’

‘Yep.’ Red Hood said satisfiedly, nearly finished with his hot dog, chili dog in the other hand. He jabbed a thumb back towards Red Robin, who had somehow clipped a muffin to his bandoliers and was slurping a milkshake. ‘It’s kind of a favourite brother thing, you know, getting food at–’ Hood checked his phone ‘–2:14am on a Tuesday morning. Everyone knows that.’

Nightwing gasped, offended, and turned on Red Robin. 

‘Hood?’ Red Robin said, smiling pleasantly. 

‘What is it, O light of my life, sibling mine, feared vigilante of the night?’

‘Run.’

Red Hood wisely took his advice, Red Robin and Nightwing streaking after him for entirely different reasons. 

As a hearty and resounding scream of ‘Fuck!’ echoed over Gotham, Batman covered Robin’s ears, not quite able to hide his smile.